St. George Down Under

Truth, Limbo, My Love of Alcohol, Coincidences, Ultimate, and Purpose. WHEW!

February 26, 2009 at 9:49 pm (Uncategorized)

Melancholy. with a touch of depression and a half-serving of loneliness. I guess that’s what I’m feeling right now. And I’m kind of tired of fighting it. I’ve felt guilty about feeling this way the past few days because I’m in FREAKIN Australia, and I feel I shouldn’t feel this way. And if I expressed myself in this way people would say, but you’re in freakin Australia!

It’s just that I’m in between. In between groups, making friends. I made some good American friends (1 I consider very close, 2 others that I think I could be close with) but they’re all into getting drunk and dancing. Literally what they do is gather for about 2-3 hours before they go out, for ‘Pre-game”, where they get drunk off of cheap wine and beer so they don’t have to fork out $8 for a rum and coke (actual price). Then they head to the club and get a few pitchers of beer, then dance. I don’t want to be judgmental and say that what they are doing is wrong, it just doesn’t excite me and makes me feel uncomfortable. I love dancing with them, but not so much when they are incredibly drunk and I’m sober. It’s very isolating being the only sober one.

I was actually going to write a blog post and call it “On Alcohol”, a post where I bashed getting drunk. I HATE how it changes people, and HATE how it illegitimizes experiences. I HATE it. with red ink. HATE. And this isn’t something where I had a bad experience and its made me think this; after observing for a little while, I’ve come to this conclusion. I don’t hate alcohol, I hate the act of using it ridiculously as a drug, as in buying cheap stuff to make yourself drunk. But I shouldn’t be one to judge, and I find contradictions in my own argument. 

What is frustrating me is that I want to go out and explore Australia, explore the countryside, Blue Mountains, everything. I want to go to clubs and visit the city, and have a few drinks, but not have the main event be ALCOHOL. I want to do it with these people, but these people do the aforementioned ritual of pre-gaming and clubbing Wed-Sat. (Almost completely). It’s very frustrating. Ryan, however, is kind of in both of these camps, and I feel as though we could have some fun goin out and doing these things, I’ll bring it up with him tomorrow. 

Alright, so I said I was in between. But theres no BETWEEN if theres not another side, so here it is. I’ve made some VERY cool friends in the past two days. I believe I wrote about Mona a few posts ago, and today I had biology with her again, and once again we kinda hit it off, which was awesome. She’s a Australian girl that moved to AUS from Iran when she was four in order to receive proper schooling. She is an incredibly beautiful girl, very delicate, with the absolutely CUTEST Australian accent. It’s probably obvious that I have a crush on her (BUX 307 and the chicas won’t be surprised about this). She lives about 40 minutes away from campus. 

Before lab yesterday I was searching for the room, and bumped into a girl that was having the same trouble. I asked around and we finally found the room, then sat together. I introduced myself and found out that she was Anne, from Finland. After lab I headed home and re-bumped into her at the intersection by my apartments; turns out she lives in the same apartment complex as I do! (This is quite the coincidence, as a relatively few number of students live here, and as of yesterday, the only non-asian residents I had seen were Jenna, Vasya, maybe two other Americans, and myself.) 

Then today I headed to Bio lecture, got in the hallway, and first saw Anne, then Mona to her left about 5  feet. I went and said hi to Mona, then Anne, and introduced them; they hadn’t met each other before then! It was pretty crazy! Afterwards Mona went home but Anne and I had lunch…she told me about how she and her roommates were going Bush-walking this weekend…EXACTLY THE STUFF I WANT TO DO! Also, Mona is not a big drinker/partier. 

So, when I said I was in between, what I meant was that the friends that I have made are mostly not into doing what I want to do, but the friends that I have JUST made ARE, but i’m just not good enough friends with them yet to do these things with them. It’s frustrating, but there is hope in it. Now I just have to be not as excited and eager as I feel in order to not scare them off or think I’m a freak…

Today was good, though. I went to the Ultimate workout, which was pretty cool. The field overlooked the business part of Sydney, which was tight. We did some throwing, drills, then scrimmage. Man was I (and am) DEAD from the workout. Had to take myself out of the game a few times to rest, I couldn’t keep up and was just stumbling, I was so tired. My legs are burning, and my arms are sore. And my abs for some reason…Didn’t realize I was so out of shape until today. 

These workouts are once a week, but will become more frequent as it gets closer to the season. Found out that the biggest tournament is July 5th and 6th…I leave the 10th. Hm, we’ll see!

I was pretty happy because out of the 12 or so people there (the numbers are supposed to get bigger) I was probably 3rd or 4th in skill, made me feel pretty good! That’s better than my high school team! Now I just have to get in shape. Ryan was gonna join me, but he napped through it, haaaa.

Dad, you’d be proud of me. Walked up to the ultimate team by myself, introduced myself, and just started with them. At first it was hard, but there weren’t very  many, and it was a somewhat motley and laid back crew, so that was nice.

Got a haircut, so I’m lookin pretty dank. Also, havin coffee with Dulce tomorrow, so psyched about that. I have fridays off, so I’m headin to the city tomorrow. Then the opera house show on Saturday.

This has felt very weird and choppy during the end, and I apologize for that. Feels more like my mind is just vomiting into the computer, but its good to get it out. 

Don’t feel sorry for me about loneliness or depression or whatever. That is not why I wrote it. This blog is almost as much for me as it is for you all, for me to keep a record of whats goin on here. And its therapeutic. AND I had to admit to myself how I was feeling. This is what studying abroad does, it makes you lonely. And in my possibly incorrect opinion, this is the reason for studying abroad. You either crash and burn or you soar. And soaring means that you meet new people, many times due to the fact you are lonely and somewhat depressed. It’s normal. So don’t comfort me . Oh, and I’m being honest, as usual, so don’t rib me about Mona. I have about 38 crushes here, so its not anything new!